Espresso Life Lessons

It is a gray and drizzly morning in the land of the North, and it is only fitting that this is the day I leave Minneapolis. The cool of temperature in the misty mornings became a sort of security blanket for me as I walked to work each morning; the sun filled me with warmth and excitement, but the soft breeze reminded me to not get overly agitated by life. At least, it tried.


I came here with a job to do. As specific as that job was, the title, I quickly learned, meant any number of duties. For me, that included: stage managing, assistant directing, light board “operating” (and I use that term loosely), movement coach, yoga teacher, kid wrangler, kid entertainer, improv leader (another term I use loosely), tap instructor, motivational speaker, acting coach, disciplinarian, usher, furniture mover, morning greeter, attendance monitor, team leader, and human enthusiast, in the broadest sense of the term. 


I learned quite a lot, and more about myself than I expected or was prepared for. I learned invaluable information about the heart and lungs and nervous system of a large non-profit theatre company. I learned to always expect more from children, but to not be disappointed or thrown off if they cannot give it to you. I also gained light years of patience, and a hell of a lot more respect for my mother, who taught grade school art for longer than I have been on this planet. 


I met people, artistically minded, creative, fully functional intellectuals, who didn’t follow the societal “norm” of (and please, don’t ask me how it got to be this way, because I still don’t know) high school –> college –> 9 to 5. And none of them are starving. 
I think my favorite interaction in the Twin Cities has got to be my serendipitous encounter with someone we’ll call Mr. Coffee Shop Man, one of those non-starving happy creative souls. It went like this:


Mr. CSM: So what are you studying? (in reference to my transfer student information packet’s list of college majors)
Me (with a chortle): That’s what I’m trying to figure out.
Mr. CSM (with a shrug very similar to the irritated body language that had been mine of late, frustrated with the “system”): I went from a major in Astro-Physics to a major in [something else I can’t remember, but obviously not important] and finally landed on English major with elementary education and dance minors.
Me: WOW. And what did you do with that?
Mr. CSM: I’ve done lots of things. Massage therapist, preschool teacher, dance instructor, corporate worker. And then I went to grad school for Korean studies, just for shits and giggles.
Me: So what do you do NOW? (unable to fathom the type of a career a dancing Korean history nerd can hold down and afford six dollar coffees and a MacBook Pro)
Mr. CSM: I create Apps.


Oooooooohhh!


He continued, with another, less hostile shrug: You have to do what makes you happy, what interests you. Otherwise it’s really hard to get up in the morning.


DUH!!


On a random aside, I did take more than two pictures this month. I will post what I have soon, because pictures really do make blogs far more interesting. I am also looking forward to two more trips in the next month: a road trip south down Route 78 and a plane trip, this time to good ‘ole New England. I will continue to blog and see what happens!

So far, it has been…

So far, it has been life. I obviously cannot control the ebb and flow of nature, so I simply must build a boat and float along. It has also been a time for metaphors (Ex: I was having a phone conversation with my mother last week and came up with the phrase “I’m not looking for a golden ticket; I’m just looking for a bar of chocolate.” 


Cynical? Not if you knew me. 
I think growing up dedicated to the particularly exhausting art of musical theatre created a sense of idealism in me that I clung to for so much of my upbringing, particularly in times of struggle. 


Also, apparently Dateline did a special about the harmful affects of styrofoam and microwavable plastic in causing premature puberty. I have twenty two middle school girls in my class things week, and there are two who are shorter than me. The tallest is 5’10. The age ranges are 11-14. 


Also, artificial colors and food dyes are made from petroleum, which causes ADD.


I don’t know when my world shifted. I’ve always been a cynic, but I used to be a child. Now I complain about “kids today.”


I have a vivid memory of riding in the car to Murfreesboro, TN at the age of seventeen to a drama intensive and crying, inexplicably, for the state of the world. Strong feelings of guilt pulsed inside me for not being somewhere else, helping people. 


Being so far away from everything I know is hard for someone like me, who finds comfort in familiarity. Once the romantic appeal of the old Northern style wooden paneled homes wore off, I was left with only little me in a city that could swallow me on foot. Minneapolis is not that big, but it is bigger than me. 


Maybe the Twin Cities have won this round. There is nothing negative I have to say about them. They function like many cities do, in fact on some things they function better. Still, after three weeks of walking the same routes, I have begun to notice and cling to the imperfections. 


This fills me with a strong desire to organize my life. I smell tasks ahead. But here, I only feel a half life.

Here we go

So here I am again, with my thoughts turned up too loud and I can’t seem to get myself straight. I find solace in a soy milked cup of peppermint tea, Belle and Sebastian, and the thought of Papa on the other end of the phone. But I’m still happy. Confused, yes, but not frightened, unless I tell myself to be, unless I talk myself out of living again. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. And I won’t let anybody do that, either, because I know that nobody else can see my soul and read my mind, and nobody else knows what I am thinking or what I am feeling, not truly, not deeply. 


I am so badly wanting to dance non stop. I have always loved a classroom setting. Being in dance classes are some of the most fully integrated times of my days, and I miss them. It makes me smile that I get to relive that a little bit every day this week as a semi instructor. Movement is so pure, so raw, so whole. I just want to take yummy movement classes all day and drink tea at night. That’s plausible, right?


I apologize for the roller coaster of emotions and would very much like to deepen the integration of this blog with the world around me, but right now I’m busy existing in the world around me. So for now I hope it remains a little piece of inspiration for you, and for me, and for the world around us.


Namaste.

Good News!

I withdrew from my school a few days ago, and it was the best hard decision I have made.
I also got my first taste of Minneapolis theatre last night, in a small garage band style space that held a youth production of Ashman and Menken’s Little Shop of Horrors (that’s the second show in two days I’ve encountered that was part of my theatre past…I wonder if the universe is communicating with me…). There are SO many positive opportunities for young people to perform in the twin cities. It just makes me so happy!!!
A) I found it amazingly refreshing to watch local theatre without knowing any of the faces or names or having a history with any part of it. It was…exciting. 
B) I was blown away by the talent and ease of the “kids” on stage, performing vocally and emotionally challenging roles that I’ve seen many adults fail at. That, right there, is proof of the goodness of theatre: passion + talent + community = well done live theatre. 
C) I LOVED how original the production was, and I have seen this show on three other occasions, and they have all striven to be like the original, voices and moments alike. It was fresh. And fresh is tasty.

Tonight, I have a one man show in store for me. I try not to analyze these things too much, because then I know I will end up hating much more than I should, myself included in that list.